I grew up in conservative religious community. Guilt and shame permeated all corners of my life beginning with the dogma of the church which was reinforced in my home. When I became pregnant as a young single woman this was seen as a major scandal by the church, family and community in which I lived. I knew 4 families in my community where single expectant mothers chose/were coerced into adoption. This was the catholic way. So many mixed messages: Birth control is a sin (planned sex is a sin and meant for procreation purposes only). Masturbation is a sin. Single motherhood is unacceptable. Patriarchal dominance was alive and strong.
How do these teachings empower young women? They don’t! Expectant, single mothers with religious dogma ingrained in them are prime targets for the belief system YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH and UNWORTHY when it comes to the narrative of adoption.
I counseled with a local adoption agency (catholic) hoping to receive well rounded support and guidance. Hindsight is 20/20. All my counselors were adoptive parents. I never counseled with a natural mother post adoption who regretted her decision. Most did not want to talk about it and suffered in silence. That should have been a red flag. Parenting was never discussed as a viable option. My baby will experience loss from his separation me? No, never discussed. Family preservation, what’s that? Keeping your child would be a detriment to his well being. He deserved 2 loving parents who could give him a better life. This was the message loud and clear.
I believed this narrative even though I was sick to my stomach. I was encouraged to deny my heart and intuition. BE strong! It took reunion for me to totally break through my denial of the ramifications of relinquishment and learn that I wasn’t individually counseled on adoption. This narrative was used on millions of women and still is today.
sincerelyadoption.wordpress.com 